7 years ago today I gave birth to my sweet baby girl. You have been an endless source of joy for me, even when you're a rotten kid. You are so happy and full of fun. You are bright and kind and snuggly.
Being your mom is the greatest accomplishment of my life. When you are polite and kind I can't believe I managed to teach you that. When you are curious and chatty - I stop to encourage you. When you are silly I revel in it. When you need a cuddle or ask for a lullaby, I am happy to do it and cherish the memories of your baby days.
I want so much for you, baby girl. I want you to grow into a secure and confident young lady; a strong and loving woman. You have the potential to be everything I'm not, to take the good parts of daddy and me and meld them into a wonderful person. Your faults are not worth focusing on because you have the potential to learn from your mistakes and to grow from them.
Find a partner in life who sees forever, who is in it for the long haul, and who will cherish you. Know that relationships are about compromise, admit your mistakes, forgive others' mistakes, and move on. If faced with a problem, ask if it will impact you in a week, a year, 20 years, and react to it with that in mind.
Choose a career that brings you happiness and potential - for it is that which will challenge you and bring you happiness. You will spend so much of your adulthood working, that you should have something that will satisfy you.
Love well in life my sweet. When you love you will receive love. Karma is a wonderful thing, and if you treat others as you wish to be treated, it will all work out in the end. Remember that every action has a consequence and choose as wisely as you can in the moment. No one knows what the future holds, but try and 'hedge your bets' as they say.
And finally - never ever forget that I love you with all my heart and soul. I will always listen to you and try to hear you as well. I will parent you and mother you and try to make everything go my way, but will hopefully show grace in my defeat when you become your own (fabulous) person. We won't always agree, but disagreeing doesn't mean not loving each other. It just means we'll need to explain ourselves better to reach each other.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
NEMO - The Blizzard of 2013
It's the big one - the Blizzard of 2013. They're calling it "Nemo" - what a ridiculous name for something they're calling a dangerous storm.
The snow started around 8am here in the NY City area, and came down quickly for a bit. Now, 4 hours or so later, it's sleeting. A foot + of snow is bad enough, but the icy mess just plain sucks.
Weatherman on ABC is saying "The storm is imminent" - ummmmmm, I thought "imminent" meant arriving very soon. The storm actually has already arrived. The WORST of it may be imminent, but they're saying the actual blizzard conditions aren't arriving until 6pm this evening. Ish.
The scary part of this, for me, is that apparently Nemo is taking a similar path to Sandy. Two major storms taking similar paths in about 3 months is more than a coincidence, isn't it? They're predicting a storm surge associated with high tide (impacted by a new moon) tonight. If we will be getting hit by storms like this regularly, how are people expected to rebuild? There is so much debris left over from Sandy still, how can these poor people get through MORE damage?
There are people who have only recently had basic services restored (I'm guessing power, sewer, etc). How terrible to be facing the loss of power that may come with this storm.
I have happily taken a day off from work, not wanting to have to drive home in an icy mess if/when they dismissed us for the day. I kept my beloved daughter (who will turn 7 tomorrow!) home from school. They canceled part of school - 1/2 day only - in anticipation of the storm, and I thought it wasn't worth being out on the roads, for a day they will likely not manage to get anything done. So we've had a snuggly day, just the two of us. Daddy is on his way home from work. All will be well when we're all home and safe.
I have a beef bourguignon/stew on in the crock pot. Smells wonderful.
Tomorrow is my baby's 7th birthday. Where did the time go? Wasn't it just a few weeks ago she was 'dancing' in my belly to the radio as I drove to work? Wasn't it just a couple of days since that toothless grin lit her face and sucked everyone who saw it into her world of delight? Now she's almost a young lady, with opinions and ideas. She's independent and bright and makes me so proud to be her mommy.
We will have to get working on her birthday feast - homemade macaroni and cheese, a birthday cake made by Mommy, and even a spiral ham and veg for all to enjoy. So very glad we did our weekend away at a hotel rather than having planned a big kids party and now having to cancel it because of the weather! She's going to have a fantastic day anyway, because she's a fantastic kid.
The snow started around 8am here in the NY City area, and came down quickly for a bit. Now, 4 hours or so later, it's sleeting. A foot + of snow is bad enough, but the icy mess just plain sucks.
Weatherman on ABC is saying "The storm is imminent" - ummmmmm, I thought "imminent" meant arriving very soon. The storm actually has already arrived. The WORST of it may be imminent, but they're saying the actual blizzard conditions aren't arriving until 6pm this evening. Ish.
The scary part of this, for me, is that apparently Nemo is taking a similar path to Sandy. Two major storms taking similar paths in about 3 months is more than a coincidence, isn't it? They're predicting a storm surge associated with high tide (impacted by a new moon) tonight. If we will be getting hit by storms like this regularly, how are people expected to rebuild? There is so much debris left over from Sandy still, how can these poor people get through MORE damage?
There are people who have only recently had basic services restored (I'm guessing power, sewer, etc). How terrible to be facing the loss of power that may come with this storm.
I have happily taken a day off from work, not wanting to have to drive home in an icy mess if/when they dismissed us for the day. I kept my beloved daughter (who will turn 7 tomorrow!) home from school. They canceled part of school - 1/2 day only - in anticipation of the storm, and I thought it wasn't worth being out on the roads, for a day they will likely not manage to get anything done. So we've had a snuggly day, just the two of us. Daddy is on his way home from work. All will be well when we're all home and safe.
I have a beef bourguignon/stew on in the crock pot. Smells wonderful.
Tomorrow is my baby's 7th birthday. Where did the time go? Wasn't it just a few weeks ago she was 'dancing' in my belly to the radio as I drove to work? Wasn't it just a couple of days since that toothless grin lit her face and sucked everyone who saw it into her world of delight? Now she's almost a young lady, with opinions and ideas. She's independent and bright and makes me so proud to be her mommy.
We will have to get working on her birthday feast - homemade macaroni and cheese, a birthday cake made by Mommy, and even a spiral ham and veg for all to enjoy. So very glad we did our weekend away at a hotel rather than having planned a big kids party and now having to cancel it because of the weather! She's going to have a fantastic day anyway, because she's a fantastic kid.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Inauguration 2013
So very proud to be an American today. The inauguration of Barack Obama to his second term - only the 17th President elected to a second term - makes me so happy! I don't necessarily agree with everything he does, but thinking about the alternative we could have had makes me giddy. He seems to be a good man, and I love Michele Obama.
A day like this makes so much possible. The potential of a beginning, much like I'm going through personally. I hope we both manage to stay strong and follow the path we need to.
(photo courtesy of The Huffington Post http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/275945/slide_275945_2007412_free.jpg?1358809412000 )
A day like this makes so much possible. The potential of a beginning, much like I'm going through personally. I hope we both manage to stay strong and follow the path we need to.
(photo courtesy of The Huffington Post http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/275945/slide_275945_2007412_free.jpg?1358809412000 )
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Time Flies
If time flies when you're having fun, why do I feel like I'm just not getting what "FUN" is? Time is flying, and I'm not enjoying it...
I'm so completely enveloped in a funk. Distracted and incompetent. I muddle through each day, after waking with a sense of great potential. Before I know it, the day is over and I haven't accomplished half of what seemed possible this morning. Sounding like a theme to my life now that I see it in writing.
I had quite a health scare over the past 4 months, discovered my marriage is a sham and my husband a filthy liar. Faced work upheavals that saw layoffs and brought unwelcome changes to my duties. And I feel like I'm not reaching my potential as a mother, shortchanging my beloved daughter.
My daughter is everything to me. Perhaps more so now that I'm facing other issues. I worry how each aspect of my life will effect her. She's only 6 and each day I'm painfully conscious of how things will effect her FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. Dramatic, I know. But each decision I make DOES impact her. Right down to how many times I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. If I can't stick to my mind's schedule at 5:30 am, it feels like everything else is impacted. A domino effect, if you will.
She is a bright spot who amuses me without end. Even when she's naughty or fresh. I think I manage make her feel safe, loved, confident, secure, appreciated, valued. I believe I bring joy to her and explain life's boundaries in a way she understands and accepts. But how do we ever know, as mothers, if it's enough.
She's becoming aware of the world around her, and I find she's keeping secrets. She doesn't keep them for long, thank God, but I realize I won't be her go-to confidante for much longer. So exciting and heartbreaking all at once.
I'm so completely enveloped in a funk. Distracted and incompetent. I muddle through each day, after waking with a sense of great potential. Before I know it, the day is over and I haven't accomplished half of what seemed possible this morning. Sounding like a theme to my life now that I see it in writing.
I had quite a health scare over the past 4 months, discovered my marriage is a sham and my husband a filthy liar. Faced work upheavals that saw layoffs and brought unwelcome changes to my duties. And I feel like I'm not reaching my potential as a mother, shortchanging my beloved daughter.
My daughter is everything to me. Perhaps more so now that I'm facing other issues. I worry how each aspect of my life will effect her. She's only 6 and each day I'm painfully conscious of how things will effect her FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. Dramatic, I know. But each decision I make DOES impact her. Right down to how many times I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. If I can't stick to my mind's schedule at 5:30 am, it feels like everything else is impacted. A domino effect, if you will.
She is a bright spot who amuses me without end. Even when she's naughty or fresh. I think I manage make her feel safe, loved, confident, secure, appreciated, valued. I believe I bring joy to her and explain life's boundaries in a way she understands and accepts. But how do we ever know, as mothers, if it's enough.
She's becoming aware of the world around her, and I find she's keeping secrets. She doesn't keep them for long, thank God, but I realize I won't be her go-to confidante for much longer. So exciting and heartbreaking all at once.
Things that go boom
My poor kid fell out of bed at 4:45am. She's fine, but the thud was terrifying. She banged her knee and was more scared than physically hurt. Of course, being the stellar mom that I am, after snuggling and comforting her I hit snooze and overslept by like an hour. I told her that snuggling was the best part of my day, but now I'm gonna be a little bit crazed getting us out of the house. Thank God my alarm goes off over 2 hours before we actually have to leave.
Had a 'talk' with my husband the other night. Another thing that goes boom - my marriage. I am adamant about 'this is your third strike' and sticking to my guns, but there are so many factors that feed into a marriage and family. My daughter is so very happy and secure. She never once acted out with my recent health scare and hospitalization, and this past weekend my husband was hospitalized with kidney stones and she was again unfazed. This speaks volumes to how I am raising her. She knows she can trust what I tell her and not worry. She is happy to stay with anyone we leave her with (family and friends). She didn't cry over not seeing either me or him for 4 days. That's huge.
Another factor is money of course. I can't support her and myself on just my salary. And he doesn't make much more - certainly not enough to cover 2 homes. My mother is 84 years old, and while she'd take us in, it isn't fair to do that to her. Plus it would mean almost tripling my commute and adding 2 bridge tolls a day. Fiscally impossible.
So I continue to mull it all over...
Had a 'talk' with my husband the other night. Another thing that goes boom - my marriage. I am adamant about 'this is your third strike' and sticking to my guns, but there are so many factors that feed into a marriage and family. My daughter is so very happy and secure. She never once acted out with my recent health scare and hospitalization, and this past weekend my husband was hospitalized with kidney stones and she was again unfazed. This speaks volumes to how I am raising her. She knows she can trust what I tell her and not worry. She is happy to stay with anyone we leave her with (family and friends). She didn't cry over not seeing either me or him for 4 days. That's huge.
Another factor is money of course. I can't support her and myself on just my salary. And he doesn't make much more - certainly not enough to cover 2 homes. My mother is 84 years old, and while she'd take us in, it isn't fair to do that to her. Plus it would mean almost tripling my commute and adding 2 bridge tolls a day. Fiscally impossible.
So I continue to mull it all over...
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Creation
I'm one of those mothers - you know who I mean. I'm never quite on top of things. I don't belong to the PTA. Parenting, work and home suck the ME out of me... I'm over 40 and have lost all sense of the woman I was. It's like I don't remember my personality, or how to have a conversation of actual interest. And, had I lost ME but found a dynamic woman who can do ANYTHING and do it right, I wouldn't mind so much. But I didn't. I discovered I'm pretty crappy. Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly adequate overall. But I have a hard time reconciling "adequate" with the dreams I had for my life, of my vision for what the future would be like 20-odd years ago.
I love being a mom. It's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Even the hard parts. My daughter's unadulterated love is a gift I don't deserve. I thank God every day for blessing me with her. I always thought I'd have a bunch of kids, and it took a long time for me to come to terms with not having more kids. But there are so many people who aren't as lucky as I am, so I am grateful.
I have a job but long for a career. I have a house and long for a home. So satisfied in 2 out of 3 areas of life? I'm also a wife, potentially on the verge of divorce, so there is a 4th area I'm not ready to discuss yet.
The crux of the matter is that I need to rant and put things in writing to process it all. I also amuse myself greatly sometimes with my random thoughts and observations. Maybe I'm meant to amuse a wider audience.
Stick with me. I swear I'm worth it.
I love being a mom. It's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Even the hard parts. My daughter's unadulterated love is a gift I don't deserve. I thank God every day for blessing me with her. I always thought I'd have a bunch of kids, and it took a long time for me to come to terms with not having more kids. But there are so many people who aren't as lucky as I am, so I am grateful.
I have a job but long for a career. I have a house and long for a home. So satisfied in 2 out of 3 areas of life? I'm also a wife, potentially on the verge of divorce, so there is a 4th area I'm not ready to discuss yet.
The crux of the matter is that I need to rant and put things in writing to process it all. I also amuse myself greatly sometimes with my random thoughts and observations. Maybe I'm meant to amuse a wider audience.
Stick with me. I swear I'm worth it.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)