Creation

I'm one of those mothers - you know who I mean.  I'm never quite on top of things.  I don't belong to the PTA.  Parenting, work and home suck the ME out of me...  I'm over 40 and have lost all sense of the woman I was.  It's like I don't remember my personality, or how to have a conversation of actual interest.  And, had I lost ME but found a dynamic woman who can do ANYTHING and do it right, I wouldn't mind so much.  But I didn't.  I discovered I'm pretty crappy.  Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly adequate overall.  But I have a hard time reconciling "adequate" with the dreams I had for my life, of my vision for what the future would be like 20-odd years ago.  

I love being a mom.  It's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me.  Even the hard parts.  My daughter's unadulterated love is a gift I don't deserve.  I thank God every day for blessing me with her.  I always thought I'd have a bunch of kids, and it took a long time for me to come to terms with not having more kids.  But there are so many people who aren't as lucky as I am, so I am grateful.  

I have a job but long for a career.  I have a house and long for a home.  So satisfied in 2 out of 3 areas of life?  I'm also a wife, potentially on the verge of divorce, so there is a 4th area I'm not ready to discuss yet.  

The crux of the matter is that I need to rant and put things in writing to process it all.  I also amuse myself greatly sometimes with my random thoughts and observations.  Maybe I'm meant to amuse a wider audience.  

Stick with me.  I swear I'm worth it.